Uncultured Corner

Today’s Culture Corner shall be my very own Uncultured Corner. I would like to speak about all the things in which I am in fact very much not cultured. Because oh boy, are there a lot.


  • Sometimes when people talk about the philosophers to explain something in an English class I nod even though I have exactly 0 idea what is being spoken about. When someone says that through the Foucauldian discourse analysis, there is a clear theme of X and Y, I only think about how much Foucaldian sounds like Nickolodeon, on which I am far more cultured.
  • I have very little knowledge about the old masters of the arts. I know of Michelangelo, Donatello, Rafael, and da Vinci because they are all Ninja Turtles. I could never tell apart any of their works except maybe the Sistine Chapel because I have been there, and “The Creation of Adam” because I have seen it in so many PowerPoints that it has been drilled into my brain.
  • I have almost as little knowledge of the classical musicians. I was initially introduced to Beethoven by the movie about the St. Bernard puppy, not by any music. I have played some of his stuff on the piano. I am not overly impressed. I like Bach more because I like the way he spelled his last name, and because some of his music is actually fairly nice, I shall admit.
  • I love reading, but I don’t actually like a lot of the true classics and parts of the English canon. Obviously can’t ignore Shakespeare. I like some of his work but if I didn’t know how super duper important he is, and had just read his plays next to Marlowe’s and Jonson’s I would feel unimpressed. And altogether I would rather read a poem by Ezra Pound or Robert Frost than Shakespeare’s sonnets or plays. To be completely honest, I sort of hated every single second of reading Walden no matter how important Thoreau’s work is, and Paradise Lost makes me want to get lost.
  • Maybe my least cultured field is movies. I have not watched any of the old legendary films that people love except Citizen Kane. I liked it, but it was tough to get through. I have almost no knowledge of movies. When people talk about them I pull off my best smile and nod. I know about the Avengers and Black Panther because I would have to be living under a rock not to, but usually when people talk about movies I have no clue what is going on.

In summary: I am a fairly uncultured guy, and this is my uncultured corner.


-Eytan Galanter

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